How I turned 30 encouraged me to take charge of my health

Even in my 20s, I didn't have much concern for my health - both body and mind. I was eager to work at the end of high school and most of college, but every time I was heavier than I wanted to be, I was frustrated.

Patience was not my biggest feature at the time.

I figured, what if I had no skin even after all the work I was putting out? Not trying to make you more attractive? Why did it just become a cycle of anxiety and insecurity?

So I stopped trying.

I began to realize how sad I was after I got into my current long-term relationship, I worked less often and cared about what I ate, but it was more than that. I was starting to get uncomfortable in my own skin.

As I tried to rest, my worries only increased. Those anxieties hurt my insecurity, nodded their ugly head, and told me: Am I still attractive to my boyfriend? People would think in my heart why he was with me.

I tried to choose good food and work frequently, but at that time I was working long hours in a job I didn't like. Until the weekend, I would sleep in the middle of the sentence.

Scrolling through my phone didn't help either. I can see people with similar health goals and they would crush it. They looked better, they felt better, and their attitude could be jealous. If you put your body through the same exercise, why didn't it work for me?

And again the anxiety cycle will begin.

My days don't seem like hours, either: running late or catching a glimpse of my mirror left my keys and hating my sweater fit. I'm depressed. I would "fall off" the health wagon. Sleep was illusory and irritability persisted.

Without caring for myself, I was unable to care for the people around me.

I was always arguing with my sister, with whom I was living and frustrated with mom when we were on the phone. I don't want to see my friends, and the point of this interaction or lack of it is that if I am sleeping with my boyfriend or checking my phone, I immediately slap him, if he mentions it.

Finally, he just shook his head and resigned his face, saying, "I can't say anything without you going to me."

I know I have to make a change

Social media had a fun way to make sure I was falling behind everyone else; that my health path doesn't work

because someone else's success looks different. Even when our 20s are not under the guise of society before, it is a decade of drastic changes to navigate.

And my 9th was a tumultuous time, full of peaks like college graduation, and the love of my life. Then there were deep valleys, such as a major heart attack and my father was no more.

When my 30th was approaching, I looked intently. What did I want from my last year in my 20s? What kind of energy did I want in my 30s? And I realized that because of my toxic work environment, which gave me some time to myself, I felt awful. That needed to change.

Leaving my former job built a confusing outlook on my life. At my new job, I started filling my own lunches. I didn't face the question "what should I eat today" because I knew what I put in my body.

Another part of my stress is always revolving around money. These changes in career and food made me pay for my own expenses. Now that I pack my own lunches, I stop eating during the week (unless I'm on my period and don't need French fries). It encourages me to remember the old adage of "have a meal at home" and I can feel more comfortable with money.

But when it comes time to work, I'm frustrated again. I'll fly it the other way because there was something I didn't do.

But I also need to look at my mental health

In the past, my anxiety, feelings, and insecurities were often secondary to taking steps, holding a refillable water bottle or drinking coffee. But for lasting change, my brain needs to be on board. For myself, I wanted to make changes for the right reasons.

Even at 21, 22 or 27, you couldn't tell me that. Older, wiser, and more "weird" is bored with the ridiculous stuff that led to these beautiful changes. Obviously exercise and the use of food are not just for the purpose of making me thin and attractive. Conversations with friends also made me realize that health is more than what is in the photo.

What is meant by exercise and food is the means to make daily tasks easier. It was a lifestyle, not just for show, but for how you feel for yourself, what you care about, or how anyone else feels.

If I was doing this, it would be eye-opening for me to see how avoidable chaos wouldn't change.

So I started working on managing my stress and anxiety.

It helped to pack my lunch. Stressing every morning stressed knowing that I had to get dressed and have everything ready for the next day. I've done bedtime before and made manageable to-do lists on sticky notes.

If all is not done, I will not kill myself. If I find myself thinking about taking a quick nap, I pause for the feeling and think before I say anything to avoid the argument.

All of this would have been good to rule the Smiles soon but I am doing this for myself and not for any social situation. I don't look at cupcakes and think "I can't eat that". If I want something, I'll eat it, knowing that life is in balance. If I'm sick, I'll quit a workout and not kill myself for it. The next day I'll focus on the plans, knowing that it's smart to take a rest instead of a groggy.

Some days I am still sad about my progress. Sometimes I am insecure, but most of the time, I feel better.

Your brain can't do anything without grabbing unnecessary garbage and pulling you down. Not knowing every action deserves it is a breath of fresh air. Knowing you can let it go and be happy with where you are.

This is what I am doing to embrace you, and I thank you for this shift from my 6th year to so for continuing this path of good mental and physical health. I still have a long way to go, but I'm glad I made the right choice to grow into a better version of myself.